Thursday, December 3, 2009

First Paragraphy

Once upon a time, in a country where the main business and source of income was by agriculture (banana plantation), the people ran out of money, and they needed some help, so they ran to a second country for help. The second country saw how bad the first country needed help and decided to take advantage of them. All these started in the early 1900s, and the first country is Jamaica, while the second country is the United States. The U.S relationship to Jamaica has been a relationship of culture, as well as economic dominance. The U.S have been living on the principles of "social Darwinism" which is basically "survival of the fittest", and the United States decided to take advantage of Jamaica and live off them. As a result, Jamaica was in the midst of being heavily indebted to the United States. And when the U.S government saw that the Jamaicans still needed some more money for their economy, they let the Jamaicans borrow money from the International Monetary Fund (IMF), on the account that they would agree to the terms and conditions of the U.S which was that the Jamaicans would let the U.S compete with them in the market, and let the U.S sell cheaper products than them, and the Jamaicans shouldn't accept any subsidies from anyone. In the film Life and debt, the director Stephanie Black explained and gave vivid accounts of what had happened when the United States took over Jamaica's economy. She said how the U.S made were unfair, and made the Jamaicans go out of business by selling cheaper products than them (in order to eliminate competitions, and raise the prices of their products when there are no Jamaicans to compete in the economy with them). The United States used many methods of manipulation to achieve their aim, and there was nothing the Jamaican government could do about it, instead they kept lending some more money from the IMF. The IMF (headed by the United States) would lend money to countries, and add some

7 comments:

  1. I think for your first paragraph, you are going into a little too much detail. The first couple of sentences were good but then you go straight to facts which can be developed in other body paragraphs.

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  2. I think it's a great start - I agree that you might break the paragraph up. Also think about how your first section will give more detail about the origin of this relationship - when in the 1900s did the relationship start and how?

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  3. I initial plan was to capture the attention of readers (like y'all...lol!) and make my 1st paradraph interesting by giving more details than required.

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  4. i think its a pretty good intro .. amybe you want to refer to survival of the fittest by saying "Darwinian" instinct or something like that ... not really a critique im jsut suggesting it becasue i dont think i'd write about something specifically scientific instead of jsut refering to a concept that is widely known or else my first impression is to think that you are writing about biology ... bit then again im pretty nitpicky about the writing ... this is really good !

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  5. YO Adams i forgot to tell you man! IF you doing a country like Jamaica you gotta BE Jamaica man. You gotta feel Jamaica and you gotta gotta listen to some Reggae music man! Yo dilandau Sizzla and soak in the culture, it will help to to compose a better overall essay trust the medic, I fix you up!

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  6. I agree with Roushanara and Prof. T, I think you put alot of information in the first paragraph and it might be a little confusing for outside readers. You have some great topics, if you broke them up you could write alot more and go into specific details.Dude you got seven pages dont try to cram everything, take as much space as you need. :)

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